It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
