dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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