Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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