before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
