You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
