escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
