So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
