His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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