i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My breasts were aching with rage.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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