You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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