Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
