a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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