last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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