You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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