He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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