dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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