I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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