I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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