Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
