Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
