if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
