i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
