So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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