you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
