Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize