If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
