you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
