I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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