hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
