I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
