I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
