you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
