hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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