I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
