So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
