She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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