I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
