I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
