she looked like the before picture.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
