i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
