I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
