At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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