just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
