This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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