if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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