The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So vagazzling was a success
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
