gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
