We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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