did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
