Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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