She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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