I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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