Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
