hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
