I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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