Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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