At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
