I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
