and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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