He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
