Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
