dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I want her autograph on my taint
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
