I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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