Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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