Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
